You may only have one chance to make a first impression, but what if that first impression isn’t all you think it should be? What if, despite your best intentions, you leave a new associate or potential client thinking less of you than you think is accurate? How do you fix that all-important first impression?
It’s not always easy. It requires a level of candor and accountability a lot of us aren’t comfortable with. No one wants to admit how and where they made a mistake. It’s easier to chalk up the mistake to a “missed opportunity.” But it needn’t be.
Going into this past TED a good friend of mine, and someone I trusted, introduced me to a friend, call him Bill, who was attending his first TED. She thought I could help Bill get the most out of the event and I was glad to help. Bill was excited about TED and really enthusiastic to meet beforehand to learn how to get the most out of it.
I was happy to meet with him and we set up a time. Unfortunately, real life interfered with his morning and Bill missed our meeting. Fine, these things happen, but he didn’t contact me until it was already past our meeting time, believing that he’d still be able to make the meeting. To be honest, I wasn’t very happy about being left in the lurch, but his apology was sincere and, out of respect for our mutual friend, I accepted it and still extended him an invite to my annual TED dinner.
Fast forward a few weeks and it’s the day after my dinner. A good time was had by all including Bill, and he sent me a thank you email. Except he wasn’t thanking me for the dinner. Bill was thanking me for taking the time to speak candidly about the missed meeting, and letting him know that, while everything was fine, a call should have been his first impulse. That he should always show others the same level of consideration and respect he’d want for himself. That things happens, plans get changed, and people understand. But they can’t understand and accept things if you don’t reach out and let them know.
I was really moved by the email and used it as an opportunity to be candid with him, and I’m sure we’re closer now for it. I admitted that I’d written a more pointed note in the moment, but thought the better of sending it and was glad I did. It wasn’t written in the spirit of helping him, it was written for me, to get my frustration off my chest.
Missteps and miscommunications needn’t thwart new relationships as long as we deal with them, from either side, with generosity, sincerity and candor based on respect for each other. This incident was a great reminder for me of how it’s always a great idea to take a step back and consider my own motivations before questioning someone else’s.
